It isn’t Personal

How can we not take it personal when someone doesn’t have the same feelings for us that we have for them? Well… it ISN’T personal to begin with. For so long I would feel so ashamed when someone didn’t like me back. At one point I felt there were forces bigger than me making it so that guys didn’t like me. It was sad to be honest, but I can understand why it feels like this! When we have feelings for someone, it is a much deeper part of us that is reaching out to feel wanted. It was natural for us to want someone to love us and for us to love, but it feels like they don’t want our love and attention specifically! THAT IS TOTALLY WRONG!

Think back… there is a time when someone liked you. I know that you all have one. If it is hard for you, it’s because you probably didn’t think of them that way. Most of the time this is someone that paid a little more attention to just you and maybe you thought that was their personality. I am sure that you have all thought of someone in your past that you didn’t have feelings for. Was it because of who they were, or a lack of connection and chemistry? I can probably bet that it is the latter! So why is it that we take it personally? Most of the time we haven’t known someone for that long, or we haven’t been around them to see the “real” them, and they don’t know the real us either. So, it can’t be personal can it?

There was a situation that I had a little while ago that was a success, but I didn’t end up with the guy. Now remember I have had to practice this a lot, so don’t think that this is my normal, I just want it to be my normal! There was a guy at work. At first didn’t really have any interest in him (to be honest, I was interested in someone else at the time), but there were multiple people that said that we should go on a date. I didn’t want to at first, but after a few months I decided to give it a try. We addressed the “elephant” in the room about being set up with each other, and just started talking at work. It was nice, and I started to get to know how he was with people, and I started to have feelings for him. As time went on, nothing happened. We would just talk, and he came to things that I planned and hosted, but still… nothing was really happening. So, I decided that I wanted answers, so I asked him about what he thought about us going on ONE date (Remember one date, I wasn’t asking for more than that). Still he turned me down. Right? How is this a success story? Well, here is why… I didn’t care! It was so freeing. He told me that he didn’t have those feelings for me, but it had nothing bad against me! Once I accepted that I was able to move on! It didn’t take one date for him to find out, but that was alright. It wasn’t personal.

The sooner that we see this the better we will be for it. We shouldn’t make it more complicated, I know that it is easy to. We think about “is it something that I said”, “is it something that I have done?”, or “is it the way that I am?”. The answers to those questions is a resounding “no”. I hope that this will bring hope and peace to be able to move on from someone that isn’t good for you. Hold out for someone that is as crazy about you as you are of them. You deserve that!

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